I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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