you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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