so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
