I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
