I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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