if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
