Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
