i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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