Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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