Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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