I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
