I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We named our party play list daddy issues
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
