Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
