so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
