he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
