so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
