If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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