farters have to be the big spoon...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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