so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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