I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
