So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
