All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
