there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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