I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
