I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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