Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
