New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
