I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
