But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
