I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
