Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
