He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
