South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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