Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
