So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
