Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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