Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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