I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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