Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
