Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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