So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
