My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize