is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
