dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
