If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
