Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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