Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
