Jerry, you need to find god
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
