Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
