i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
