You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
