1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
