You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
