fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
