Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
