Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize