is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
