found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
