I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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