the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
