i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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