some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
