You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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