Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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